"We want that fucking gun at our head. We’d do anything just for a taste. But there are rules. I won’t wear seatbelts. I pray for a crash. When they announce on the flight that all electronic devices need to be turned off because they interfere with the pilots radio- that’s when I write an all too important letter on the laptop and make a call at the same time. Nothing fucking happens. Eat and swim at the same time. Nothing. I pray for a break in the monotony. But nothing ever happens. Walk through traffic. Take more than the recommended dose. It’s bullshit. A fucking distraction. I want to meet the love of my life in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I am nothing. I just want to do a hit n’ run and then return to the scene of the crime. I want to hold up a bank and give all the money back. I just want to feel something. We are fucking ants running through our hill."